It may seem that parenting should come fairly naturally to all of us. After all, haven’t our parents, our grandparents, and all ancestors been through similar struggles and survived? Aren’t most of us fairly well-adjusted and productive people? However, most parents I have talked to still have struggles these days with one or more of their children.
This year I’d like to examine aspects of my parenting style, and issues that I have faced raising my children who are now teenagers. Now more than ever before I am challenged on a daily basis in ways that are overwhelming at times, and anxiety provoking at other times. I have always been the parent to read books, discuss my issues with my sisters and close friends, attend seminars and workshops as time permits. I deeply believe that there is much to gain from others’ experiences and advice. Sometimes I wish a parenting guru would come and live with me or better yet live inside my head, and help me in moments where no book is enough.
Parents of teenagers have all experienced the frustration that comes with the territory. What we often hear is that the age-group is challenging, and that we need to start letting go because our child has begun the process of separation. This is hard for parents to completely understand or implement, because there are so many issues that have small beginnings, and it seems that an ongoing connection to their lives is necessary. We are afraid that we will miss some important detail that will come back to bite us (or worse, our kids) later. However, we are all at times guilty of immersing ourselves into their lives, and investing our emotional selves into this job.
What has amazed me in the past 16 years of parenting is that dealing with any situation or issue does not necessarily help with the next crisis that comes up. And, what works for one child does not at all work for another. I think that this is what makes this job exhausting and humbling at times. Some of the recurring issues in our household are (i) how do we monitor usage of electronic toys such as internet time, video games, chatting, facebook etc. (ii) to what extent do we monitor completion of homework, (iii) what consequences do we give, and when do we rely on natural consequences, (iv) to what extent do we monitor our child’s grades, (v) how do we ensure the timely completion of chores. Other “bigger” issues that I think have life-long impact are (i) how do we support our children to find their life’s purpose, (ii) in what ways do we encourage our children to make wise money decisions, (iii) what do we do to ensure their healthy relationship with food.
Something I hope to get out of writing this blog is be able to vent my frustrations, get feedback from friends and other readers, and try new strategies. I would like to do this by discussing a new topic every week.
Parenting GPS 